Fill the box 🖍️
How do I do it? · 8 min
Tools for the moment
What do I do when it shows up? · 10 min
Tools for the moment
What do I do when it shows up? · 15 min
Each age has its own progress. People of the same age share this space and its logbook in this browser.
Did you know you can fill the box whenever you want?
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
The three steps
- 🏷️ By their name. Call every kid by their name, not by their color, their hair or their eyes.
- ❓ If you don't know, ask. «What do you like to be called?»
- 🙋 Say something nice. If someone teases, say: «Stop! All colors are beautiful». And stay next to the kid who felt bad.
Blow up three balloons together with the circle.
One minute to look inward.
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
Tomás has narrow eyes, and everyone calls him «China boy». They say it's nice. Today he's alone at recess.
What do you do?
You say: «Hi, China boy!».
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. 🙈 Tomás looks down.
«Hi, Tomás. Do you like being called China boy?»
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. 🖍️ «No», says Tomás. «I like Tomás.» Now you know!
The next day, Lía tells the whole class:
—His name is Tomás. And he doesn't like being called China boy.
—But it's nice —says a boy.
—Doesn't matter. He said no.
From that day on, everyone calls him Tomás. And Tomás plays ball at recess again.
Practice the three steps
The adult says «Hi, Curly!». The child does the three steps: asks the name, asks if they like the nickname and says something nice.
Ask someone with a nickname if they like it.
Who did you ask what they like to be called?
How do we fill the box at home and at school?
Finish and go to lesson 7 →The nickname slips out on its own. The meme is already in the chat. But there's almost always a second to change what comes next.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
- Call each person by their name. It's what Martín asked for.
- If you don't know, ask: «What do you like to be called?».
- Don't forward the meme. Not the sticker, not the «lol». Whatever always laughs at the same color teaches that this color is worth less.
- Say something short, calmly: «His name is Martín». «That's not funny.» «Why do you say it like that?» Pointing out a comment calmly makes it happen less, and a kind approach works almost as well as a harsh one. (Czopp, Monteith & Mark, 2006)
- Watch out for filters. If a filter lightens your skin or changes your features, ask yourself what it's telling you about how you should look.
- Talk about color naturally. Colors exist, they're all beautiful, and making fun of someone for theirs is wrong.
One minute to look inward.
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
Someone posts a sticker in the class chat with Kevin's face next to a monkey. There are already five «lol»s.
What do you do?
You send another «lol».
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. The sticker spreads to other classes.
You don't say anything.
If you choose this one
Stays the same. The sticker stays there. Kevin sees it.
«That's not funny. Delete it.»
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. Someone writes «true». The one who posted it deletes it.
A classmate, privately: «It was just a sticker, don't be like that.»
What do you answer?
«You're a racist.»
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. He gets angry. Now the fight is with you.
«I know you didn't mean anything bad. But Kevin didn't think it was funny.»
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. «Okay, you're right.»
«Sorry, I overreacted.»
If you choose this one
Stays the same. Everything stays the same, and so does the next sticker.
What worked: What worked: you said something short in the moment and, afterwards, you separated the person from what he did.
The next day, Teo greets him:
—Martín!
Martín smiles.
A week later, in a game against another class, someone shouts: «Mark the China boy!». Teo says it before he can think:
—His name is Martín.
Since then they play on the same team. Martín is the best defender they've ever had.
Your phrases
1 · Where does it come up most?
2 · Choose three phrases and say them out loud, three times each.
If there's someone you call by their color, ask them what they like to be called.
Which tool was hardest to use? What happened?
What to do when you've already said it.
Finish and go to lesson 7 →Sources for this lesson
- Czopp, A. M., Monteith, M. J. & Mark, A. Y. (2006). Standing up for a change: Reducing bias through interpersonal confrontation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 90(5), 784–803. View source: Czopp, A. M., Monteith, M. J. & Mark, A. Y. (2006). Standing up for a change: Reducing bias through interpersonal confrontation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 90(5), 784–803.
The nickname slips out on its own. The joke has already been told. The decision is almost made.
But there's almost always a second to change what comes next.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
- Tool 1
Call each person by their name
It's the simplest one and the one that changes the most. Not by their color, their eyes or their hair. By their name. It's what Carlos asked for.
- Tool 2
If you don't know, ask
Some people like their nickname. Others have hated it since childhood. The only way to know is to ask: «What do you like to be called?».
And if the answer is «my name», now you know what to do.
- Tool 3
Don't repeat the joke
Don't laugh, don't forward it, don't tell it «just between us». A joke that always laughs at the same color teaches whoever hears it that this color is worth less.
- Tool 4
Say something short, calmly
You don't need a speech or a fight. One calm sentence is enough:
- «That's not funny.»
- «His name is Carlos.»
- «Why do you say it like that?»
- «I don't like that joke.»
In experiments, when someone calmly pointed out a prejudiced comment, the person repeated it less afterwards. And a kind approach worked almost as well as a harsh one. (Czopp, Monteith & Mark, 2006)
- Tool 5
Check your decisions
Before ruling someone out for a job, a rental or a friendship, ask yourself one question: «Would I do the same if they had a different skin color, or a different last name?».
If the answer is «no», your decision isn't about that person. It's about their color.
- Tool 6
Talk about color naturally
With children, and with adults: skin colors exist, they're all beautiful, and treating someone badly because of theirs is wrong. Staying silent doesn't help. (Apfelbaum, Pauker, Sommers & Ambady, 2010)
One minute to look inward.
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
A work meeting. You're going over the client list. A coworker points at one and says: «Better have someone who speaks his language deal with him». And he pulls at the corners of his eyes. Several people laugh.
What do you do?
You laugh with the others.
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. The joke keeps going. Another coworker adds a worse one.
You don't laugh, but you don't say anything.
If you choose this one
Stays the same. The meeting goes on. Nobody knows you didn't think it was okay.
«That's not funny. He's a client like any other.»
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. There's an awkward silence. Then someone says: «True». The meeting continues without jokes.
Your coworker, on the way out: «Hey, it was just a joke. Don't be like that.»
What do you answer?
«You're a racist.»
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. He gets offended. Now the conversation is about you, not the joke.
«I know you didn't mean anything bad. But that client wouldn't have found it funny. And neither did I.»
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. He thinks about it. «Okay, maybe.»
You apologize for having said it.
If you choose this one
Stays the same. Everything goes back to normal, and so does the next joke.
What worked: What worked: you said something short in the moment and, afterwards, you separated the person from what he said. You don't need to fight for a joke to stop seeming normal.
The day after that lunch, Sam gets to the office.
—Good morning, Carlos.
Carlos looks up, surprised, and smiles.
A week later, in a meeting, someone calls Carlos «the dark guy». Sam says it before he can think:
—His name is Carlos.
Nobody laughs this time.
At lunch, Carlos tells Sam he plays soccer on Thursdays with some friends, and invites him. Sam goes. He's the goalkeeper they were missing.
Your phrases and your moments
Step 1 · Your moments. Where does racism come up most around you?
Step 2 · Choose three phrases for those moments.
Step 3 · Say them out loud, three times each. «Their name is ___» is short, attacks nobody and almost nobody can argue with it.
Step 4 · Rehearse. Think of the next place where you know it'll come up. Which phrase will you use?
If there's someone you call by their color, ask them what they like to be called.
Which tool was hardest to use? What happened when you used it?
Sometimes the damage is already done: you said it, you repeated it, or someone tells you it hurt.
In the next lesson you'll learn how to repair it. And how to take care of yourself, if racism happens to you.
Finish and go to lesson 7 →Sources for this lesson
- Czopp, A. M., Monteith, M. J. & Mark, A. Y. (2006). Standing up for a change: Reducing bias through interpersonal confrontation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 90(5), 784–803. View source: Czopp, A. M., Monteith, M. J. & Mark, A. Y. (2006). Standing up for a change: Reducing bias through interpersonal confrontation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 90(5), 784–803.
- Apfelbaum, E. P., Pauker, K., Sommers, S. R. & Ambady, N. (2010). In blind pursuit of racial equality? Psychological Science, 21(11), 1587–1592. Find reference: Apfelbaum, E. P., Pauker, K., Sommers, S. R. & Ambady, N. (2010). In blind pursuit of racial equality? Psychological Science, 21(11), 1587–1592.
Lesson 6 of 10.
You're doing well.
To take with youAsk someone with a nickname if they like it.
To take with youIf there's someone you call by their color, ask them what they like to be called.
To take with youIf there's someone you call by their color, ask them what they like to be called.
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