All the colors 🏠
How do we make it bigger? · 8 min
Tools for repair
What do I do if they tell me it hurt? · 10 min
Tools for repair
What do I do if they tell me it hurt? · 15 min
Each age has its own progress. People of the same age share this space and its logbook in this browser.
What colors are the people in your books, your dolls and your drawings?
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
- What we have teaches. If all the dolls and the characters in books are the same color, it seems like that's the «normal» color. And there's no normal color!
- Saying sorry helps. If you said something mean to someone about their color, tell them: «Sorry. I won't say it again».
- Your voice helps. When one kid says «stop!», others find the courage to say it too.
- If it's said to you, tell a grown-up you trust. What they say about your skin or your hair doesn't say who you are. Your color is beautiful!
Fills or hides?
Having pencils in lots of skin tones.
Answer
🖍️ Fills. Everyone can draw themselves as they are.
Saying «sorry, I won't say it again».
Answer
🖍️ Fills. That's how you fix what hurt.
Laughing when someone gets teased.
Answer
🙈 Hides. The teasing keeps going.
Reading books with characters of lots of colors.
Answer
🖍️ Fills. All the colors can be seen.
Lía's mom comes home with a surprise: a box of pencils with lots of skin tones.
On Saturday, Maya comes over to play. They open the box together. Maya looks for her color and finds it right away.
—This is me!
Lía tells her:
—Sorry about the pink pencil. I didn't know.
Maya laughs.
—I know. Now draw me right.
They draw each other, side by side, each with her own color.
The full box 🖍️
With the adult, look through your pencils, your books and your dolls. What colors are missing? Mix paints until you find the skin tone of each person in the family.
Just for the adult: children learn what's «normal» from what they see every day. Look for pencils, books, dolls and movies with people of all colors, and not always in the role of «the poor one» or «the funny one». And if phrases like «bad hair», «stay out of the sun, you'll get darker» or «improve the race» are said at home, this is a good time to stop saying them.
Tell someone at home something nice about their skin, their hair or their eyes.
What colors were missing at home?
Five hard situations!
Finish and go to lesson 8 →You already said it. They already laughed. Now what?
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
- If someone tells you it hurt, listen. Don't explain that «it was a joke». Listen first.
- Apologize without a «but». Half-way: «Sorry if you were offended, but it was affectionate». For real: «I'm sorry. I hadn't thought of it that way. I won't call you that again».
- Stand by whoever suffers it. Sit next to them, message them, tell them you don't think like the ones who made fun of them.
- Take care of yourself if it happens to you.
- What they say about you doesn't say who you are. It says something about the person saying it.
- Tell an adult you trust: your family, a teacher, the school counselor. You don't have to carry it alone.
- If it keeps happening, it's bullying. The school has to do something.
- If you feel bad every day, talking to a psychologist helps. Taking care of yourself isn't overreacting.
A real repair or a half-way one?
«Sorry if it bothered you, but everyone calls you that.»
Answer
Half-way. The «but» erases the apology.
«I'm sorry. I won't call you that anymore.»
Answer
For real. You acknowledge it and change what you do.
«Oh, don't be so sensitive.»
Answer
Not a repair. It denies what the other person felt.
«I didn't realize it hurt you. I'm sorry.»
Answer
For real. You listen and acknowledge it.
Repairing means listening, acknowledging and changing what you do. Without a «but».
One night, Teo messages Camila:
«Sorry about the “sponge head” thing. I came up with it, and it wasn't okay. I won't say it anymore.»
Camila doesn't answer. Teo keeps staring at his phone.
Three days later, the answer comes: «Thanks. Nobody had ever apologized to me».
A month later, Camila comes to school with her curly hair. Someone starts: «Here comes the…». Teo cuts him off:
—Not anymore.
A repair you owe
1 · Remember. Is there someone you said something to about their color, their hair or their features, that might have hurt them?
2 · Write your apology without a «but»: what you said, that you realized it, and what you'll do differently.
If you owe an apology, send it. If not, message someone who's been through something like that: «I'm with you».
What was harder: apologizing or listening?
Six real-life situations.
Finish and go to lesson 8 →«But it was affectionate.»
«I didn't mean anything bad.»
«Now everything is racism.»
These are the most common answers when someone tells us something hurt. And none of them helps.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
If someone tells you something hurt, listen
Don't defend yourself, don't explain your intention, don't tell them they're overreacting. First, listen.
Your intention matters, but it doesn't erase what the other person felt. Carlos knew Sam didn't mean to hurt him. And it still hurt.
Apologize without a «but»
An apology that works acknowledges what you did and says what you'll do differently.
- Half-way: «Sorry if you were offended, but it was affectionate.»
- For real: «I'm sorry. I hadn't thought of it that way. I won't call you that again.»
The «but» erases everything that came before it.
Change what's around you
What can be seen in a home teaches as much as what's said:
- Pencils in every skin tone, so every child can draw themselves as they are.
- Books, toys and movies with people of all colors, and not always as «the poor one», «the bad guy» or «the funny one».
- Pictures and photos where everyone can be seen.
Stand by whoever suffers it
If you see someone being told something because of their color, go over afterwards: «I saw what happened. How are you? What do you need?».
Don't speak for that person or decide for them what to do. Ask them.
Take care of yourself if it happens to you
If people say things to you about your skin, your hair or your features:
- What they say about you doesn't say who you are. It says something about the person saying it.
- Tell someone. Someone you trust, your family, at work or at school. You don't have to carry it alone.
- If it's at work or in a public place, many countries have laws against discrimination. You can report it.
- If it's hurting you, if you feel bad every day, talking to a psychologist helps. Experiencing racism affects health, and taking care of yourself isn't overreacting. (Paradies et al., 2015)
A real repair or a half-way one?
«Sorry if you were offended.»
Answer
Half-way. It puts the problem on the other person, not on what you said.
«I'm sorry. I hadn't thought of it that way. I won't call you that again.»
Answer
For real. It acknowledges and says what will change.
«Oh, come on, now everything is racism.»
Answer
Half-way. It denies what the other person felt.
Stopping using the nickname from that day on.
Answer
For real. What changes is what you do.
«But I have dark-skinned friends.»
Answer
Half-way. It has nothing to do with what you said.
Correcting the joke in the same group where you told it.
Answer
For real. You repair it where you did the damage.
Repairing means listening, acknowledging and changing what you do. Without a «but».
One night, Mara sits down with Lía.
—Sweetie, the other day you asked me why Maya is darker than you. I told you there were no colors. I was wrong.
Lía looks at her.
—People have skin of many colors —Mara goes on—. Like Maya, like Carlos, your dad's coworker, like you and like me. They're all beautiful. And making fun of someone for their color is wrong. If you see someone doing it, you can tell me, or you can say: «Don't laugh at her».
Mara takes out a box of pencils she bought that day: it has many skin tones.
Lía looks for hers. Then she looks for Maya's. She draws the two of them, holding hands.
The next day, at recess, when someone laughs at Maya's color, Lía says:
—Don't laugh at her. She's my friend.
A repair you owe
Step 1 · Remember. Is there someone you said something to about their color, their hair or their features, that might have hurt them?
Step 2 · Write your apology, without a «but»: what you said, that you realized it, and what you'll do differently.
Step 3 · Your home. What could you change at home so all colors can be seen?
Step 4 · If it happens to you. Who would you tell if someone said something about your color? Write a name.
If you owe an apology, give it. If not, change one thing at home so all colors can be seen.
What was harder: listening without defending yourself, or apologizing without a «but»?
Now you have tools for the moment and for repair.
In the next lesson you'll put them to the test in six hard situations: a comment in the family about a baby, an «affectionate» nickname, a decision at work… and someone telling you that what you said was racist.
Finish and go to lesson 8 →Sources for this lesson
- Paradies, Y. et al. (2015). Racism as a determinant of health: A systematic review and meta-analysis. PLOS ONE, 10(9), e0138511. View source: Paradies, Y. et al. (2015). Racism as a determinant of health: A systematic review and meta-analysis. PLOS ONE, 10(9), e0138511.
Lesson 7 of 10.
You're doing well.
To take with youTell someone at home something nice about their skin, their hair or their eyes.
To take with youIf you owe an apology, send it. If not, message someone who's been through something like that: «I'm with you».
To take with youIf you owe an apology, give it. If not, change one thing at home so all colors can be seen.
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