The phone
Screens are fun, but sometimes they grab us so hard that we don't see what's happening around us. Let's learn to be the boss!
Your friends, your music and half the world are on your phone. This route isn't about taking it away: it's about you deciding who gets your attention.
This isn't a route against the phone. It's about your attention: the most concrete way to love someone is to look them in the eye and listen without being somewhere else.
Lessons start at age 6. If you care for a younger child, here are ideas to plant this now, in everyday routines.
Each age has its own progress. People of the same age share this space and its logbook in this browser.
Based on cited studies. Not yet reviewed by an outside professional.It starts before age 6
- Before 18 months, no screens, except video calls with family.
- Put your phone away when you feed them or play with them. Babies notice when you’re not looking at them.
- From 2 to 5, at most one hour of screen time a day, ideally watching together and talking about it.
- Don’t use a screen to calm a meltdown: they learn that screens cover up what they feel.
- No screens at the table or in the bedroom. For everyone.
It is normal: Crying when the screen goes off. Give a warning first: “Two more minutes and we turn it off”.
Source: WHO (2019). Guidelines on physical activity, sedentary behaviour and sleep for children under 5 years of age. American Academy of Pediatrics (2016). Media and Young Minds. Pediatrics, 138(5). This does not replace a pediatrician: if anything about their development worries you, ask.
A story to read together
To read with an adult and talk about afterward.
- Blackout
The power goes out in the city and a family, with no screens, finds each other again on the roof.
View on Open LibraryRead it with an adult
Screens are fun, but sometimes they grab us and we don't see who's right next to us.
You get mad when you have to turn them off, or you get really bored without them.
More games with friends, better sleep and being the boss, not the screen!
Your attention is worth a lot: that's why so many apps compete for it all day long.
You stay up late, compare yourself on social media and look at your phone while your friends talk to you.
Better sleep, more real friends and deciding for yourself where your time goes.
It's not the phone: it's your attention. What you look at takes your time and your presence with the person in front of you.
You take it out without deciding to, check just in case and say "uh-huh" without having listened.
Real conversations, better sleep and the feeling that your time is yours again.
Ten lessons, in order
Each one takes about 15 minutes (about 8 in the kids' version, done with an adult). We mark the next one for you, but they are all open.
- 10 short lessons
- Simulators to rehearse
- 7-day practice
- A badge at the end
- Songs for the road
- Books to read on
- Ideas for families, even before age 6
- Up nextThe mirror 🪞Does this happen to me?8 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextThe magnet's tricks 🎭How do I notice?8 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextWhy does it pull so hard? 🤔Why is it hard to let go?8 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextWhen the magnet is the boss 🌧️What does the magnet take from me?8 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextThe compass 🧭What does someone who does it differently look like?8 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextLet go of the magnet 💪How do I let go?8 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextA home where everyone's the boss 🏠How do we make it easier?8 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextTricky situations 💪What do I do if this happens to me?10 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextMy superhero plan 🦸What am I going to do?8 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextYou made it! 🏅What changed?10 min · ✓ Done
- 7-day practiceOptional, after lesson 10. Each day is a 15 to 30 minute experiment in three parts: you get ready, you do it, and you look at what happened.
- Up nextThe mirrorDoes this happen to me?10 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextWhat it looks likeHow do I recognize it?10 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextWhere it comes fromWhy is it so hard to put down?10 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextWhat it costsWhat do I lose if I keep going like this?10 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextThe compassWhat does someone who does it differently look like?10 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextTools for the momentWhat do I do when the reflex shows up?10 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextTools for your surroundingsHow do I make it easier?10 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextHard situationsWhat do I do if this happens to me?15 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextYour planWhat am I going to do?10 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextThe closeWhat changed?12 min · ✓ Done
- 7-day practiceOptional, after lesson 10. Each day is a 15 to 30 minute experiment in three parts: you get ready, you do it, and you look at what happened.
- Up nextThe mirrorDoes this happen to me?15 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextWhat it looks likeHow do I recognize it?12 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextWhere it comes fromWhy is it so hard to put down?15 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextWhat it costsWhat do I lose if I keep going like this?15 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextThe compassWhat does someone who does it differently look like?12 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextTools for the momentWhat do I do when the reflex shows up?15 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextTools for your surroundingsHow do I make it easier?15 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextHard situationsWhat do I do if this happens to me?20 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextYour planWhat am I going to do?15 min · ✓ Done
- Up nextThe closeWhat changed?15 min · ✓ Done
- 7-day practiceOptional, after lesson 10. Each day is a 15 to 30 minute experiment in three parts: you get ready, you do it, and you look at what happened.
The image only has the badge, the route name and a quote. Nothing you wrote.
Songs that go with this route
Chosen by the person who wrote this route. Play them whenever you want to remember what you learned.
- Cat's in the CradleHarry Chapin
A father always too busy for his son, until the son grows up just like him. Time with the people you love doesn't come back.
Songs that go with this route
Chosen by the person who wrote this route. Play them whenever you want to remember what you learned.
- I LivedOneRepublic
Live every second, so one day you can say you were really there.
A story to read together
To read with an adult and talk about afterward.
- Blackout
The power goes out in the city and a family, with no screens, finds each other again on the roof.
View on Open LibraryRead it with an adult
Books to go deeper
If this route left you wanting more, these books go the same way.
- How to Break Up with Your Phone
A practical 30-day plan, no lectures, to make your phone a tool again.
View on Open Library
Books to go deeper
If this route left you wanting more, these books go the same way.
- The Anxious Generation
What happened when childhood moved onto the phone, and what families and schools can do.
View on Open Library
How to talk about this at home and in class
What teaches the most
- Let them see you put your phone down when they talk to you.
- Let them see you eat without screens.
- Let them see you get bored without reaching for your phone.
Phrases that help
Dinner game
At dinner, everyone puts their phone in a box. Each person shares something they saw today with their own eyes, not on a screen.
With teenagers
Before setting rules, ask them what they like about their phone and what bothers them. Make the agreement together and keep it yourselves too: a teenager respects a rule they see being kept.
When to get a first phone?
There's no right age for everyone. These questions can help you decide as a family:
- What do they need it for: talking to family, school, friends?
- Can they leave a screen without a fight when asked?
- Where will the phone sleep at night?
- Which apps will they have at first, and which not yet?
- Who will they tell if they see something that scares them or makes them uncomfortable?
- Which rules will the adults keep too?
Before age 6
Routes start at age 6, but this is planted earlier. Ideas for everyday routines, no special sessions.
- Before 18 months, no screens, except video calls with family.
- Put your phone away when you feed them or play with them. Babies notice when you’re not looking at them.
- From 2 to 5, at most one hour of screen time a day, ideally watching together and talking about it.
- Don’t use a screen to calm a meltdown: they learn that screens cover up what they feel.
- No screens at the table or in the bedroom. For everyone.
It is normal: Crying when the screen goes off. Give a warning first: “Two more minutes and we turn it off”.
Source: WHO (2019). Guidelines on physical activity, sedentary behaviour and sleep for children under 5 years of age. American Academy of Pediatrics (2016). Media and Young Minds. Pediatrics, 138(5). This does not replace a pediatrician: if anything about their development worries you, ask.