When the magnet is the boss 🌧️
What does the magnet take from me? · 8 min
What it costs
What do I lose if I keep going like this? · 10 min
What it costs
What do I lose if I keep going like this? · 15 min
Each age has its own progress. People of the same age share this space and its logbook in this browser.
Five more minutes sounds like nothing. But what if it happens every day?
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
Lía's story
Case 1Five more minutes
Lía watches videos after school.
Illustrative case. The characters and events are made up. The pattern is based on evidence.
Where would you have changed course? Pick the panel where you would have done something different.
- A Monday
Lía watches videos after school. When Mara tells her it's time, Lía asks for "five more minutes." Mara says yes.
What could have been done here
Ask for a five-minute warning, choose the last video and turn it off herself.
- A week later
Every time the tablet has to go off, Lía cries and shouts. The "five minutes" are now an hour. She watches videos in bed until late.
What could have been done here
Make a family agreement: what time screens go off and where they sleep.
- A month later
Lía arrives at school tired. It's hard for her to pay attention and she forgets things. She doesn't feel like playing at recess anymore.
What could have been done here
Leave all screens outside the bedroom at night, so her body can rest.
- A few months later
Lía says everything is boring without the tablet. She can't think of games anymore, and when her friends invite her, she'd rather stay with the videos.
What could have been done here
She still can. Make her boredom box and play a little every day without screens, with someone.
Any moment was a good moment to change course, even the last one. The best one is today.
The cost: Her sleep, her wish to play and her afternoons with friends.
What the data says: Some scientists looked at lots of studies of children and teens, and found that those with screens in their room at night sleep less and worse, even if they don't use them. Source: Carter, B., Rees, P., Hale, L., Bhattacharjee, D. and Paradkar, M. S. (2016). Association between portable screen-based media device access or use and sleep outcomes. JAMA Pediatrics, 170(12), 1202–1208.
Today: Tonight, let all the screens sleep outside your room.
The magnet took three things from Lía: sleep, wanting to play, and afternoons with her friends. And it didn't take any of them all at once: it was five minutes at a time.
What does the magnet take from you?
Draw three things you really like that aren't screens. How much time did you give them this week?
Tonight, let all the screens sleep outside your room.
What would you like to do more if the magnet pulled less?
Stories of a man everyone was looking for, who knew whom to look at.
Finish and go to lesson 5 →«A little while» after going to bed. Every night.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
The timeline
Case 1Until 3 a.m.
His group of friends chats every night.
Illustrative case. The characters and events are made up. The pattern is based on evidence.
Where would you have changed course? Pick the panel where you would have done something different.
- Start of the school year
His group of friends chats every night. Teo stays on "for a while" after going to bed. He falls asleep at one, but the next day he's fine.
What could have been done here
Decide on a time to leave the phone outside the room, before it becomes a habit.
- A month later
Now he falls asleep at three. In the morning he can't remember what he studied and falls asleep in first period. He's in a bad mood with everyone.
What could have been done here
Tell the group: "I'm logging off at 11, I'll read everything tomorrow." Someone else was almost always waiting for someone to say it.
- Mid-year
His grades drop. In soccer he doesn't have the energy anymore, and the coach benches him. Teo says he doesn't care.
What could have been done here
Try one week with the phone charging outside the room, and see how his body changes.
- End of the year
Teo has to retake two subjects over the break and leaves the team. His parents take his phone away at night as a punishment, and the fighting at home is worse than ever.
What could have been done here
It's still possible. Make a family agreement, not a punishment: a time when all the phones, including the parents', sleep outside.
Any moment was a good moment to change course, even the last one. The best one is today.
The cost: A school year, the team and lots of fights at home, for a few hours of chat that nobody remembered the next day.
What the data says: A review of many studies of children and teens aged 6 to 19 found that having a phone or tablet in the bedroom at night was linked to sleeping less, sleeping worse and being sleepier during the day, even when it wasn't used. Source: Carter, B., Rees, P., Hale, L., Bhattacharjee, D. and Paradkar, M. S. (2016). Association between portable screen-based media device access or use and sleep outcomes. JAMA Pediatrics, 170(12), 1202–1208.
Today: Tonight, leave your phone charging outside your room.
Sleep. Having your phone in the bedroom at night was linked to sleeping less and worse, even when it wasn't used. (Carter et al., 2016)
Your friends. When someone looks at their phone while another person is talking, the conversation feels worse and the other person feels less important. (Chotpitayasunondh and Douglas, 2018) Like Dani at the pizza place.
The other side: your phone also brings people closer. The group that supports you when you're down, the call to your grandma, the friend who lives far away. The question isn't «phone or no phone», but «what for».
The tally
1 · What have you missed because you were on the screen?
2 · What time do you really fall asleep, because of your phone?
3 · What is your phone really good for? Write one good thing.
Tonight, leave your phone charging outside your bedroom.
How did you sleep?
Someone everyone was looking for, all the time, who knew whom to look at.
Finish and go to lesson 5 →Sources for this lesson
- Carter, B., Rees, P., Hale, L., Bhattacharjee, D. and Paradkar, M. S. (2016). Association between portable screen-based media device access or use and sleep outcomes. JAMA Pediatrics, 170(12), 1202–1208. View source: Carter, B., Rees, P., Hale, L., Bhattacharjee, D. and Paradkar, M. S. (2016). Association between portable screen-based media device access or use and sleep outcomes. JAMA Pediatrics, 170(12), 1202–1208.
- Chotpitayasunondh, V. and Douglas, K. M. (2018). The effects of «phubbing» on social interaction. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 48(6), 304–316. View source: Chotpitayasunondh, V. and Douglas, K. M. (2018). The effects of «phubbing» on social interaction. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 48(6), 304–316.
Nobody stops telling you things overnight.
They stop little by little, every time you answer them while looking at a screen.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
The timeline
Case 1Just one minute
Every night at dinner, Lía tells Sam everything that happened at school.
Illustrative case. The characters and events are made up. The pattern is based on evidence.
Where would you have changed course? Pick the panel where you would have done something different.
- Lía is 6
Every night at dinner, Lía tells Sam everything that happened at school. Sam says "uh-huh, nice" while checking his phone. It's just one minute, he thinks. Tomorrow he'll listen better.
What could have been done here
Leave the phone somewhere else during dinner and look at her while she talks. For her, that time is the most important part of the day.
- Lía is 8
Lía no longer starts by telling. Now she asks first: "Are you listening to me?" Sam says yes without looking up. She goes to her room halfway through the story.
What could have been done here
"Sorry, I wasn't listening. Tell me again, I'm listening now." Children forgive quickly when they see the grown-up notice.
- Lía is 11
At dinner, everyone looks at their own screen. Nobody decided it: it just happened. Lía tells the important things to her friends, not to her parents.
What could have been done here
Suggest a table without screens, and start with yourself, without lectures.
- Lía is 14
Sam finds out from another mom that Lía has been sad for months over a problem with a friend. He wants to talk to her. Lía answers in single words without looking up from her phone. Sam recognizes himself in her.
What could have been done here
It's never too late. Apologize for all the times he didn't listen, and be truly available, even if at first she doesn't want to talk.
Any moment was a good moment to change course, even the last one. The best one is today.
The cost: A daughter's trust, right in the years when she was going to need it most.
What the data says: In a study with families, technology interruptions in parents' time with their children were linked to more behavior problems in the children. It's an association: it doesn't prove one causes the other, but it shows a pattern worth looking at. Source: McDaniel, B. T. and Radesky, J. S. (2018). Technoference: Parent distraction with technology and associations with child behavior problems. Child Development, 89(1), 100–109.
Today: Next time someone at home tells you something, put your phone aside and look at them until they finish.
What it costs the person in front of you
In one experiment, the more a person looked at their phone during a conversation, the worse the conversation felt to the other person, and the less satisfied they were with the relationship. The reason: they felt less important, as if they didn't belong. (Chotpitayasunondh and Douglas, 2018)
It happens even between strangers. People waiting together in a room smiled at each other less when they had their phones than when they didn't. (Kushlev, Hunter, Proulx, Pressman and Dunn, 2019)
What it costs at home
Almost half of teenagers (46%) say their parents get distracted by their phone, at least sometimes, when they're trying to talk to them. Fewer than a third of parents admit it. (Pew Research Center, 2024)
And in families with young children, technology interrupting parents' time with their kids was linked to more behavior problems in the children. It doesn't prove one causes the other, but it shows a pattern worth looking at. (McDaniel and Radesky, 2018)
Children learn what deserves attention by watching what we give our attention to. Lía learned to look at her phone at the table. Nobody taught her. She saw it.
What it costs you
Sleep, when your phone sleeps with you. Rest, when work reaches you everywhere. And something you barely notice: the quiet moments when you used to think your own thoughts, like Sam in the bank line.
The other side: the phone brings people closer too
In a large experiment, a group of people quit Facebook for four weeks. They gained time, which they partly spent with family and friends, and their well-being improved a little. But they were also less informed about the news. (Allcott, Braghieri, Eichmeyer and Gentzkow, 2020)
That's why this route doesn't ask you to throw your phone away. It asks you to ask yourself what for. A video call with someone far away, a message to someone who's alone, a photo that brings the family together: that's the phone too.
The tally
Step 1 · What you missed. Is there a moment you missed because you were on the screen? A swing, a story, a face.
Step 2 · Who stopped talking to you. Is there someone who, when you look at your phone, stops telling you things, or asks «are you listening?»?
Step 3 · Your worst hour. At what time of day do you give your people your worst attention? (When you get home from work, at dinner, before bed…)
Step 4 · What brings you closer. Who could you use your phone to get closer to this week? A call, a message, a photo.
The next time someone at home tells you something, put your phone aside and look at them until they finish.
What has cost you more: what you missed, or what your people stopped telling you?
So far you've seen how the phone disguises itself, why it's hard to put down and what not doing it costs.
In the next lesson you'll see someone who had a thousand things asking for his attention, and still chose whom to look at, shut out the noise and knew how to rest.
Finish and go to lesson 5 →Sources for this lesson
- Chotpitayasunondh, V. and Douglas, K. M. (2018). The effects of «phubbing» on social interaction. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 48(6), 304–316. View source: Chotpitayasunondh, V. and Douglas, K. M. (2018). The effects of «phubbing» on social interaction. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 48(6), 304–316.
- Kushlev, K., Hunter, J. F., Proulx, J., Pressman, S. D. and Dunn, E. (2019). Smartphones reduce smiles between strangers. Computers in Human Behavior, 91, 12–16. View source: Kushlev, K., Hunter, J. F., Proulx, J., Pressman, S. D. and Dunn, E. (2019). Smartphones reduce smiles between strangers. Computers in Human Behavior, 91, 12–16.
- Pew Research Center (2024). How teens and parents approach screen time. Find reference: Pew Research Center (2024). How teens and parents approach screen time.
- McDaniel, B. T. and Radesky, J. S. (2018). Technoference: Parent distraction with technology and associations with child behavior problems. Child Development, 89(1), 100–109. View source: McDaniel, B. T. and Radesky, J. S. (2018). Technoference: Parent distraction with technology and associations with child behavior problems. Child Development, 89(1), 100–109.
- Allcott, H., Braghieri, L., Eichmeyer, S. and Gentzkow, M. (2020). The welfare effects of social media. American Economic Review, 110(3), 629–676. View source: Allcott, H., Braghieri, L., Eichmeyer, S. and Gentzkow, M. (2020). The welfare effects of social media. American Economic Review, 110(3), 629–676.
Lesson 4 of 10.
You're doing well.
To take with youTonight, let all the screens sleep outside your room.
To take with youTonight, leave your phone charging outside your bedroom.
To take with youThe next time someone at home tells you something, put your phone aside and look at them until they finish.
What you write and your progress are saved only on this device. When you finish the lesson we add 1 to the total, without knowing who you are.