The little team is sneaky: it makes us think «they» are all the same.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
Six tricks
- The «they're all the same»: you say a whole group is bad without knowing anyone.
- The teaser: you laugh at someone's accent, clothes or food.
- The booer: at games you shout mean things at the other team.
- The «don't play with them»: you don't let someone play because they're from another group.
- The blame-everyone: because of what one kid did, you blame their whole class or team.
- The repeater: you say mean things about other groups because you heard someone say them.
Little team or big team?
Inviting a kid from another class to play.
Answer
🤝 Big team. That's how the team gets bigger!
Saying «the other team is stupid».
Answer
🙈 Little team. It's the «they're all the same» trick.
Trying the food a classmate from another country brought.
Answer
🤝 Big team. That's how you discover something new.
Laughing at how a kid talks.
Answer
🙈 Little team. It's the teaser trick.
Clapping for a great goal by the other team.
Answer
🤝 Big team. You can want to win and still clap for something great.
Saying «don't play with them».
Answer
🙈 Little team. It's the «don't play with them» trick.
A new boy, who came from another country, opens his lunch box. He has food nobody recognizes.
—Gross! —says someone. Everyone laughs.
The boy shuts his lunch box fast.
The next day, Lía sits next to him.
—Can I have a little?
Lía tries it. It's delicious! The boy smiles for the first time.
Which trick did the kids who laughed use?
Guess the trick
The adult acts out a trick and the child guesses which one it is. Then swap.
If you see a trick today, in yourself or someone at home, say it kindly: «That's a little team!».
Which trick happens to you most?
Why do we make little teams?
Finish and go to lesson 3 →Nobody says «I hate those people». We say «it's just a joke», «I just forwarded it» or «that's how they are».
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
Eight disguises
- The «them». You talk about a whole group as if they were one person.
- The «I'm not…, but». What comes after the «but» is what you really think.
- The plague words. «Rats», «trash», «animals», for people.
- The blind fan. You chant that the rivals should die and say it's part of the game.
- The inherited hatred. You repeat what you heard at home without asking whether it's fair.
- The generalized wound. Because of what one person did to you, you blame their whole group.
- The «I just shared it». «I didn't do it, I just forwarded it.»
- The two scales. If one of yours does it, it's a mistake. If one of them does it, «that's how they are».
All eight take away a person's name and turn them into a group.
Criticism or contempt?
«I don't like how that team plays.»
Answer
Criticism. You're talking about the game, not the people.
«That team's fans are all animals.»
Answer
Contempt. A whole group, with no humanity.
«That classmate treated me badly.»
Answer
Criticism. You're talking about one person and what they did.
«People from that country are all lazy.»
Answer
Contempt. Millions of people, one label.
«It's just a joke about how they talk.»
Answer
It depends. If it's always the same people being laughed at, it's contempt.
«I don't agree with what he thinks.»
Answer
Criticism. You're talking about an idea.
In the fan club chat they share a video: rival fans fighting outside the stadium.
«Animals. That's what all that team's fans are like.»
A week later, another video goes around: this time, the ones fighting are from Teo's fan club.
«Well, that's just a few of them. We're not like that.»
Teo stares at the two messages, one above the other.
Two scales. When it was them, it was «all of them». When it was his own, it was «just a few».
Your two disguises
1 · Mark the two you use most.
2 · A real sentence for each one, rewritten without taking anyone's humanity away. You can keep your opinion: «That team's fans are animals» becomes «I don't like how that team plays».
Before forwarding something about a group, ask yourself: «Would I say it in front of someone from that group?».
Which disguise was hardest to recognize?
Why is it so easy to hate «them»?
Finish and go to lesson 3 →Nobody says «I hate those people».
We say «I just forwarded it», «it's a joke», «I'm not racist, but…» or «that's how they are».
Hatred almost never sounds like hatred. It wears a disguise.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
Eight disguises
These are the most common. Most of us use two or three.
- The «them». You talk about millions of people as if they were one: «outsiders», «that party's people», «people from that neighborhood».
- The «I'm not…, but». «I'm not racist, but…», «I've got nothing against them, but…». What comes after the «but» is what you really think.
- The plague words. «Invasion», «plague», «rats», «trash». Words meant for bugs, wars or waste, used for people.
- The blind fan. At the stadium, or in front of the TV, you shout «animals» at the rivals. Your kids hear you.
- The inherited hatred. You repeat what you heard at the table as a kid, without asking whether it's fair.
- The generalized wound. Someone from a group really hurt you. Since then, their whole group is guilty.
- The «I just shared it». «I didn't write it, I just forwarded it.» But by forwarding it, you said it too.
- The two scales. If one of yours does it, it's a few people's mistake. If one of them does it, «that's how they are».
What they have in common
All eight do the same thing: they take away a person's name and turn them into a group. And then they take away a little of the group's humanity.
None of them feels like hatred. They feel like having an opinion, joking or «telling it like it is». That's why they're so hard to see.
Criticism or contempt?
«I disagree with that law.»
Answer
Criticism. You're talking about an idea, not the people who support it.
«People who vote that way are animals.»
Answer
Contempt. You take the humanity away from millions of people.
«That player committed a nasty foul.»
Answer
Criticism. You're talking about what one person did.
«That team's fans are all criminals.»
Answer
Contempt. A whole group, one single label.
«Someone who came from outside robbed me.»
Answer
It depends. If you're talking about what happened to you, it's a fact. If you then say «they're all the same», it's contempt.
«We're being invaded.»
Answer
Contempt. It's a war word used for people looking for work.
«I'm worried about how the arrival of so many people is being handled.»
Answer
Criticism. It's a concern that can be discussed, without attacking anyone.
«It's just a joke about how they talk.»
Answer
It depends. If everyone laughs, them included, it's a joke. If it's always the same people being laughed at, it's contempt.
You can disagree with anything you like. What helps nobody is taking the humanity away from a group.
The news shows rival fans smashing windows after a game.
—Animals —says Sam—. That's what all that team's fans are like.
A week later, the news shows fans of Sam's team doing the same thing.
—Well, that's just a few of them —says Sam—. They don't represent the fans.
Teo looks up from his phone.
—And last week?
Sam goes quiet.
Sam used two disguises in one week: the «them» and the two scales. When it was the others, it was «all of them». When it was his own, it was «just a few». His son saw it before he did.
Your two disguises
Step 1 · Choose. Of the eight disguises, mark the two you use most.
Step 2 · A real sentence for each one. What did you say, write or forward? About which group?
Step 3 · Rewrite it without taking anyone's humanity away. You can keep your opinion. Just swap contempt for criticism. For example: «That party's people are all thieves» becomes «I don't trust how that party handles money».
Step 4 · See the difference. Can you have a conversation with the second sentence? And with the first?
Before forwarding something about a group, ask yourself: «Would I say it in these words, in front of someone from that group?».
Which disguise was hardest to recognize? Who did you learn it from?
If almost nobody wants to hate, why is it so easy?
In the next lesson you'll see why dividing is enough for «them» to appear, why we think they hate us more than they do, and why hatred gets so many clicks.
Finish and go to lesson 3 →Lesson 2 of 10.
Great start.
To take with youIf you see a trick today, in yourself or someone at home, say it kindly: «That's a little team!».
To take with youBefore forwarding something about a group, ask yourself: «Would I say it in front of someone from that group?».
To take with youBefore forwarding something about a group, ask yourself: «Would I say it in these words, in front of someone from that group?».
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