Has someone at home ever been sad and you didn't notice?
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
For the adult: read together. There are no right or wrong answers. Share your own examples: «That happens to me too». Children learn to notice others by watching how we grown-ups do it: if at home we ask «how are you?» and listen to the answer, that teaches more than any lesson.
We all have invisible antennas 📡. They help us notice how others feel: happy, sad, angry or scared.
Sometimes our antennas are on, and we see everything. Sometimes they're off, and we see nothing.
With your antennas on, you can do four things:
- Look: see the other person's face.
- Ask: «Are you okay?».
- Listen: let them tell you, without interrupting.
- Stay: stay by their side.
Your mirror
The adult reads each sentence out loud.
Teo comes home from school and doesn't say hello. He sits down without talking.
—Teo, look at my drawing! —says Lía—. And today at recess we played ball and I won!
Teo says «nice» and goes to his room.
That night, Lía hears her mom: Teo wasn't picked for the soccer team, and he's very sad.
Lía's antennas were off.
Draw your antennas ✏️
Draw yourself with your antennas. What color are they? When do they switch on? When do they switch off?
Today you're a face detective 🔍. Look at the face of everyone you talk to. Are they happy, sad, tired?
Who at home do you think needs you to switch your antennas on today?
Antennas get switched off by tricks. Let's find them!
Finish and go to lesson 2 →Think of a friend who was having a hard time recently. Did you notice? Or did you find out later, from someone else?
Almost all of us have someone who told us, some time later: «That week I wasn't okay». And we didn't see it.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
Empathy is noticing what another person is going through, and being there for them. It has four parts:
- Noticing: seeing that something is wrong, even if they don't say it.
- Asking: not assuming.
- Listening: for real, without planning what you'll say.
- Being there: staying. Sometimes with help, sometimes just by being around.
What it isn't: it isn't feeling the same thing, it isn't agreeing with everything, and it isn't fixing their life.
Some good news: empathy isn't something some people have and others don't. It can be trained.
Before the mirror: answer thinking about what you did this month, not who you'd like to be.
Your mirror
His mom gets home late from work and looks in at the door.
—How was your day?
—Fine —says Teo, without taking his headphones off—. And yours?
—Fine, normal. Nothing important.
She barely eats dinner. Teo doesn't notice.
Two days later, Teo hears her on the phone with his aunt: at work they said they were going to let people go, and she could be one of them. She's been scared for days.
Teo did ask. What he didn't do was listen to the answer.
Your closeness map
1 · Choose three people: someone at home, a friend, and someone from school you see every day.
2 · Look at all three. How many «I don't know» did you mark?
3 · Finish the sentence.
Look at the faces of the people you talk to. If someone tells you «I'm fine», check whether their face says the same.
Who on your map would you like to know better?
A lack of empathy almost never sounds cold. It sounds like good advice, a joke or an emoji.
Finish and go to lesson 2 →Think of the last time someone close to you was really not okay.
Did you notice? Or did you find out later, when the worst was over?
Almost all of us have someone who told us, some time later: «That day I wasn't okay». And we didn't see it.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
What empathy is
Empathy is noticing what another person is going through, and being there for them. It has four parts:
- Noticing: seeing that something is wrong, even if they don't say it.
- Asking: not assuming. Letting them tell you.
- Listening: for real, without planning what you'll say.
- Being there: staying. Sometimes with practical help, sometimes just by being present.
What it isn't
Three ideas about empathy get in the way:
- It isn't feeling the same thing. You don't need to have lived the same thing to be there for someone.
- It isn't agreeing. You can understand why someone is angry without agreeing with what they did.
- It isn't fixing their life. Often the person isn't looking for a solution. They're looking for someone to listen.
Some good news
Empathy isn't a gift some people have and others don't. It's chosen and trained. Sometimes we switch it off without noticing: because we're tired, in a hurry, or because the other person's pain makes us uncomfortable. On this route you'll learn to notice when you switch it off, and to switch it back on.
Where it shows up
Empathy is put to the test in six moments:
- Noticing: do you see how the people next to you are doing?
- Asking: do you ask, or assume?
- Listening: do you listen to understand, or to answer?
- When someone is hurting: do you stay, or look for a quick way out?
- When things go well for someone: are you truly happy for them?
- Looking after yourself: are you there for others without running out of strength?
Before the mirror
Answer thinking about what you did this past month, not about who you'd like to be. Nobody else sees your answers.
Your mirror
Sunday afternoon. Tita, Sam's mom, calls.
—How are you, mom?
—Fine, fine. And you all?
—All good. Hey, I'm watching the game, can I call you later?
—Sure. It was nothing. I just wanted to hear your voice.
Sam hangs up. He doesn't call back.
On Tuesday his sister tells him: on Sunday morning, the doctor told Tita she needed more tests because something came out wrong. She was scared. She didn't want to worry anyone.
Sam did ask «how are you?». What he didn't do was listen to the answer. The quick «fine, fine», the «it was nothing», the «I just wanted to hear your voice»: it was all there. He only had to hear it.
Your closeness map
Find a quiet place.
Step 1 · Choose. Think of three important people in your life: someone in your family, a friend, someone you live or work with.
Step 2 · Write. For each one, answer:
Step 3 · Look at all three. How many times did you choose «I don't know»? How many «a long time ago»? Is there someone you see every day and know very little about?
Step 4 · Finish the sentence.
You'll use this in lesson 9, when you build your plan.
Look at the faces of the people you talk to. Just that: look.
And if someone tells you «I'm fine», check whether their face says the same.
Of the three people on your map, who would you like to know better? What would you ask them?
A lack of empathy almost never sounds cold. It sounds like good advice, like «it's not a big deal», or like «something worse happened to me».
In the next lesson you'll meet its eight disguises. And you'll find out which ones you use.
Finish and go to lesson 2 →Lesson 1 of 10.
Great start.
To take with youToday you're a face detective 🔍. Look at the face of everyone you talk to. Are they happy, sad, tired?
To take with youLook at the faces of the people you talk to. If someone tells you «I'm fine», check whether their face says the same.
To take with youLook at the faces of the people you talk to. Just that: look.
What you write and your progress are saved only on this device. When you finish the lesson we add 1 to the total, without knowing who you are.