Tricky situations 💪
What do I do if this happens? · 10 min
Difficult situations
What do I do if this happens to me? · 15 min
Difficult situations
What do I do if this happens to me? · 20 min
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The bug shows up in everyday moments. Let's practice, so that when it really happens you already know what to do.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
How to play
There are five situations. In each one, choose what you'd do and see what happens. You can do some today and some tomorrow.
Someone else gets the toy you wanted
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
What do you do?
“It's ugly!”
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. 😣 Your friend gets sad.
“It's so cool! Shall we play together?”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. 🙂 You both play!
The trick: what's theirs doesn't take away what's yours.
Your friend wins the contest
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
What do you do?
“Somebody must have helped him.”
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. 😣 Your friend gets sad.
“Congratulations! Will you teach me?”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. 🙂 You learn something new!
The trick: ask how they did it.
Your little brother gets all the attention
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
What do you do?
Throw a tantrum so they look at you.
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. 😣 You get told off.
Tell Mom or Dad: “I feel a bit lonely today, can we play for a while?”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. 🙂 You get your special time!
The trick: say what you feel with words.
Another kid runs faster than you
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
What do you do?
“I don't want to play anymore.”
If you choose this one
Stays the same. 😣 You miss out on the fun.
“You're so fast! I'm going to practice.”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. 🙂 Every day you run a little faster!
The trick: compare yourself to yourself, not to others.
Someone has more friends at recess
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
What do you do?
Say mean things about that kid.
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. 😣 Nobody wants to play with you.
Go over: “Can I play?”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. 🙂 Now you have more friends too!
The trick: instead of watching from far away, join in.
Act it out
Act out together the situation that happens to the child most. Then switch roles.
Choose one trick and use it today.
Which of the five situations happens to you most?
Your superhero plan!
Finish and go to lesson 9 →Knowing that “what's theirs doesn't take away what's yours” is easy. Feeling it when they pick your friend and not you is something else. This lesson is a rehearsal.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
How to use this lesson
There are five situations. You can do them in order or go straight to the one that helps you most. In each one you choose what to answer and see what happens.
Your friend makes the team and you don't
Inside. A knot in your stomach. The urge to say something or to stop going to practice.
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
You tell the group the coach likes him better.
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. It gets back to your friend.
You stop going to practice.
If you choose this one
Stays the same. You lose the team and soccer.
“You earned it.” And to the coach: “What am I missing?”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. He gives you three things to improve.
Step by step
- In the moment: a short, sincere congratulations.
- That day: give yourself permission to feel bad.
- Afterward: ask what you're missing. If you can, train with your friend.
Other people's perfect lives online
Inside. “Everyone's having fun except me.” The urge to keep scrolling even though it makes you feel bad.
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
Saturday night. Everyone's posting photos from a party you didn't go to.
You keep scrolling for an hour.
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. You feel worse and worse.
You post something so it looks like you're having fun too.
If you choose this one
Stays the same. You feel the same, or worse.
You close the app and text a friend: “What are you up to tomorrow?”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. Tomorrow you have a plan.
Step by step
- Remember: the photo is the shop window.
- Swap looking for writing.
- Set a time limit for social media.
Your friend has a partner and you don't
Inside. “What's wrong with me?” The urge to make fun of it or to pull away.
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
Your best friend tells you, happy, that she's dating someone.
“You won't have time for me anymore.”
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. Your friend feels guilty for being happy.
“Nice.” And you change the subject.
If you choose this one
Stays the same. Your friend notices you weren't happy for her.
“Tell me everything! And I'll confess I'm a tiny bit envious, haha.”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. Your friend laughs and hugs you. The friendship stays just as strong.
Step by step
- What's hers says nothing about you. Everyone lives their own moment.
- If you feel lonely, tell someone you trust.
Your brother gets better grades
Inside. “They always compare me to him.” The urge to stop trying or to make fun of him.
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
At dinner, your mom congratulates your brother on his grades.
“Sure, the family nerd.”
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. Your brother goes quiet. Your mom gets upset.
You go to your room without saying anything.
If you choose this one
Stays the same. Nobody understands what's wrong.
“Congrats.” And another day, alone: “Mom, sometimes I feel compared. Can we talk?”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. Your mom hadn't noticed. You talk.
Step by step
- Your brother didn't choose to be compared.
- Talk about what you feel.
- Compare yourself to your own grades from last year.
Someone envies you
Inside. Things went well for you, and a friend started making harsh jokes and pulling away. Confusion, guilt, the urge to show off or to hide.
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
Your friend: «lol the favorite»
You got picked for something and your friend texts you this.
“Jealous much?”
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. A fight in the chat.
You stop sharing your good news.
If you choose this one
Stays the same. You slowly dim.
In person: “I feel something changed between us. Is something going on? I miss you.”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. “Honestly, it was hard seeing you doing so well when things are going badly for me.” You talk for real.
Step by step
- The other person's envy speaks of their pain, not of you.
- Don't show off or hide. Ask about their life.
- If it turns into constant mockery, ask an adult for help.
Your situation
Write an envy situation that keeps happening in your life, with the same parts.
Go over the step by step of one situation before bed.
Which option would you have chosen before this route?
Your plan. And what to do the day the sting comes back.
Finish and go to lesson 9 →Knowing that “what's theirs doesn't take away what's yours” is easy. Feeling it when your coworker gets promoted, or when your best friend tells you exactly what you most wish for, is something else.
This lesson is a rehearsal.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
How to use this lesson
There are five situations. You can do them in order or go straight to the one that helps you most, and you can do the lesson in two sittings.
Each one has five parts: the scene, what's going on inside, the simulator, step by step and if it goes wrong.
A coworker gets promoted and you don't
The scene. In the meeting, your boss announces that your coworker will be the new coordinator. You wanted that job too. Everyone congratulates him.
Inside. A knot in your stomach. Your head looks for explanations: “he's friends with the boss”, “I've been here longer”. The urge to leave the meeting.
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
You congratulate him with a forced smile and later tell someone: “He must be friends with the boss.”
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. The comment reaches your coworker. Now there's a wall between you.
You say nothing and leave as soon as the meeting ends.
If you choose this one
Stays the same. Nobody notices today. But tomorrow you have to work with him, and the silence weighs.
“Congratulations. You earned it.” And later, alone with your boss: “I want to reach a position like that. What am I missing?”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. Your coworker thanks you. And your boss gives you three specific things to work on.
Step by step
- In the moment: congratulate him with a short, sincere sentence. Nothing more is needed.
- That day: give yourself permission to feel bad. It's normal. Write it down if it helps: “It hurt because I wanted that job.”
- Afterward: ask your boss for a conversation. Not to complain, but to ask what you're missing. Turn envy into a plan.
- With your coworker: work with him as always. If you can, ask him how he prepared.
If it goes wrong. If you already said something that reached your coworker, find him: “I said something I shouldn't have. It was envy, and I was wrong. I'm sorry.”
Your best friend has what you most wish for
The scene. Your best friend invites you for coffee to tell you the news: she's pregnant. You've wanted a child for years and it hasn't been possible.
Inside. Joy and pain at the same time. The urge to cry, but not from happiness. Guilt for not being able to be fully happy for her.
This situation is different. Here envy mixes with something deeper: grief for something you want very much and don't have. It isn't selfishness. Both things can be true at once: you're happy for her and it hurts for you.
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
“That's great!” You smile, and make up an excuse to leave quickly.
If you choose this one
Stays the same. Your friend notices something's off. She doesn't know what happened, and you leave carrying it all alone.
“Lucky you. Nothing ever happens to me.”
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. Your friend feels guilty for her joy. The coffee ends awkwardly.
“I'm so, so happy for you. And I'll be honest: it also hurts a little, because it's something I want very much. But today I want to celebrate you.”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. Your friend takes your hand. She tells you she was afraid to tell you. The friendship grows deeper.
Step by step
- In the moment: you don't have to pretend it doesn't hurt. You can say both things.
- Afterward: find someone to talk to about your pain. Not your friend, at that moment: someone who can be there for you.
- Over time: if the pain doesn't ease and it pulls you away from the people you love, talking to a professional can help a lot.
If it goes wrong. If you left quickly or said something cold, write to her: “The other day I wasn't how I wanted to be. I'm so happy for you. It was hard because it's something I wish for too.”
Your brother seems to be your parents' favorite
The scene. At the family dinner, your dad talks about how well your brother is doing. Again. Nobody asks you anything.
Inside. An old wound. “It was always like this.” The urge to say something that hurts, or to stop going to those dinners.
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
“Sure, as always, the perfect son.”
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. Silence at the table. Your brother looks at you, hurt: he's not to blame for what your dad says.
You say nothing. You leave early and promise yourself not to come back.
If you choose this one
Stays the same. The wound stays the same, and now you're alone with it too.
You congratulate your brother. And another day, alone with your dad: “Sometimes I feel you're not interested in what I do. Can we talk about that?”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. Your dad is surprised. He hadn't noticed. He starts asking you about your work.
Step by step
- Separate your brother from the wound. Almost always, he didn't choose to be “the favorite”.
- Talk about what you feel, not about what the other person is: “I feel invisible”, not “you always prefer him”.
- Find your place without competing: share what's yours because it's yours, not to beat him.
If it goes wrong. If you already said something hurtful to your brother, apologize to him: “What I said wasn't against you. It was about me.”
Sunday night, everyone's vacation online
The scene. Sunday, eleven at night. The week starts tomorrow. You open social media and see beaches, trips, dinners, happy couples.
Inside. “Everyone lives better than me.” Tiredness, discouragement, the urge to keep scrolling even though it makes you feel bad.
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
You keep scrolling for another hour.
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. You go to bed late and in a bad mood. Monday starts worse.
You search online for trips you can't afford, “just to look”.
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. You end up dreaming of a life that isn't yours, and frustrated with the one that is.
You close the app. You write three good things about your week. You text someone you miss.
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. You go to bed calmer. And someone gets a message they didn't expect.
Step by step
- Recognize the moment: Sunday night, tired, alone. That's when comparison hits hardest.
- Swap looking for writing: a message to one person instead of twenty photos of strangers.
- Set a limit: no social media in bed, or none after a certain time.
If it goes wrong. If you already kept scrolling, don't punish yourself. Try again tomorrow. And if the discouragement lasts for weeks, talk to someone.
When someone envies you
The scene. Things are going well for you: a promotion, an achievement, good news. A close friend starts to change toward you. He makes double-edged comments. He doesn't write anymore.
Inside. Confusion. Guilt for something you didn't do wrong. The urge to hide your achievements, or to answer with another dig.
This situation is different. Here you don't feel envy: you receive it. And the temptation is to show off more (“let him deal with it”) or to hide (“so he doesn't feel bad”). Neither helps.
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
You post more photos of your achievement, “so he sees”.
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. The distance grows. What was a friendship becomes a competition.
You stop sharing your good news so you don't make him uncomfortable.
If you choose this one
Stays the same. Your friend doesn't change, and you slowly dim.
You find him alone: “I feel something changed between us. I miss you. Is something going on?” And you ask about his life.
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. Your friend lowers his guard: “Honestly, it was hard to see you doing so well when I'm like this.” You talk for real for the first time in months.
Step by step
- Don't take it as an attack. Almost always, the other person's envy says more about their pain than about you.
- Don't show off or hide: share what's yours naturally, and ask about theirs.
- Offer what you can: help, a contact, time. What's yours doesn't take from them, and what's theirs doesn't take from you either.
- Set a limit if envy turns into attack: sabotage, mockery, lies. Taking care of yourself is part of it too.
If it goes wrong. If you already answered with another dig, you can start over: “We've both said things. I want you as a friend. Shall we start again?”
Your situation
Step 1 · Think of an envy situation that keeps happening in your life and isn't on this list.
Step 2 · Write it with the same parts. You'll use it in lesson 9.
Choose one of the five situations (or yours) and go over the step by step before bed.
Which of the situations is most like your life? Which simulator option would you have chosen before this route?
You already have a lot: your mirror, your disguises, your translated envy, your tools and your situations.
In the next lesson you'll put it all together in a plan. And you'll know what to do the day the sting comes back, because it will.
Finish and go to lesson 9 →Lesson 8 of 10.
Almost there.
To take with youChoose one trick and use it today.
To take with youGo over the step by step of one situation before bed.
To take with youChoose one of the five situations (or yours) and go over the step by step before bed.
What you write and your progress are saved only on this device. When you finish the lesson we add 1 to the total, without knowing who you are.