Superheroes have a plan for when the villain shows up.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
Your plan looks like this: “If this happens, then I'll do that.”
For example: “If I lose a game, then I'll breathe and say ‘good game!’.”
Make your plan
Your helper
Choose someone at home to help you: when they see the little voice, they'll say a secret word (for example, “balloon”) to remind you of your plan.
And if the little voice wins again: that's okay. You say sorry and try again tomorrow.
Put your plan on the fridge or in your room.
Who is your helper? Why did you choose them?
The last lesson!
Finish and go to lesson 10 →“Next time I won't get angry.” How many times have you said that?
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
What works is a concrete plan: “If this happens, then I'll do that.” For example: “If someone contradicts me in the chat, then I'll put my phone down for ten minutes.” These plans help much more than good intentions. (Gollwitzer & Sheeran, 2006)
And no, a habit isn't formed in 21 days. In one study it took about two months on average, and missing a day didn't ruin anything. (Lally et al., 2010)
Build your plan
Your full plan
1 · Your three “if… then” sentences. You already built them above.
2 · Your alarm and your hard moments (tiredness, hunger, the chat at night).
3 · Your ally: someone who'll say “are you listening?” when they see you getting defensive.
4 · The day you slip: be kind to yourself, repair and go back to the plan the next day.
Tell your ally your plan.
Which of your “if… then” sentences will be hardest?
The last lesson. And someone wants to tell you something.
Finish and go to lesson 10 →Sources for this lesson
- Gollwitzer, P. M. & Sheeran, P. (2006). Implementation intentions and goal achievement: A meta-analysis of effects and processes. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 38, 69–119. View source: Gollwitzer, P. M. & Sheeran, P. (2006). Implementation intentions and goal achievement: A meta-analysis of effects and processes. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 38, 69–119.
- Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W. & Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998–1009. View source: Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W. & Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998–1009.
How many times have you said “next time I won't get angry”?
Good intentions are necessary. But they're not enough.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
“If this happens, then I'll do that”
General intentions (“I'll be more patient”) almost never work. What works much better is a concrete plan with this shape:
“If [something specific happens], then I will [do something specific].”
For example: “If my partner complains about something, then I'll breathe and say ‘you're right about this’ before anything else.”
An analysis of many studies found these plans help quite a lot in reaching goals. (Gollwitzer & Sheeran, 2006) The reason is simple: when the situation arrives, you don't have to decide. You already decided.
A habit isn't formed in 21 days
People often say a habit takes 21 days. It's not true.
In one study, it took people about 66 days on average for a new behavior to become automatic, and some took much longer. (Lally et al., 2010) The important part: skipping a day didn't ruin the process.
You'll slip again. We all do. What changes isn't that you never fall, but how quickly you get back up.
Build your plan
Build three sentences. Choose an option for each part or write your own.
Your full plan
1 · Your three “if… then” sentences. You already built them above.
2 · Your warning signs. What do you feel in your body? At what times of day are you most vulnerable (tiredness, hunger, rushing)? With which people?
3 · Your ally. Choose someone you trust and tell them your plan. Ask them for something specific: “If you see me getting defensive, say ‘are you listening?’. I promise not to get angry.”
4 · The day you slip. Write what you'll do when it happens again. Some help:
- Treat yourself with kindness, not punishment (lesson 7).
- Repair whatever needs repairing.
- Go back to your plan the next day, without waiting for Monday or the end of the month.
5 · Review it in a month. Put the date in your calendar. Humanauta won't send you reminders: the decision to come back is yours.
Tell your ally your plan.
Which of your three “if… then” sentences do you think will be hardest? Why?
You've reached the last lesson. You'll look in the mirror again and see what changed.
And someone wants to tell you something.
Finish and go to lesson 10 →Sources for this lesson
- Gollwitzer, P. M. & Sheeran, P. (2006). Implementation intentions and goal achievement: A meta-analysis of effects and processes. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 38, 69–119. View source: Gollwitzer, P. M. & Sheeran, P. (2006). Implementation intentions and goal achievement: A meta-analysis of effects and processes. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 38, 69–119.
- Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W. & Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998–1009. View source: Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W. & Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998–1009.
Lesson 9 of 10.
Almost there.
To take with youPut your plan on the fridge or in your room.
To take with youTell your ally your plan.
To take with youTell your ally your plan.
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