The compass 🧭
What is someone like who's the boss of their little voice? · 8 min
The compass
What does someone who does it differently look like? · 10 min
The compass
What does someone who does it differently look like? · 12 min
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Can you imagine the most important person in the place cleaning up what nobody wants to clean?
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
The compass
There was a very good man who knew how to be the boss of his little voice.
The child in the middle
His friends were arguing about who was the most important. He called a child over, put the child in the middle and gave them a hug. He told them: “The greatest thing is helping others.”
The last seat
He saw that at a party everyone wanted the best seats. He told them: “Sit at the back. If they want, they'll call you up front.”
The towel
At a dinner, he got up and washed his friends' feet. It was the job nobody wanted to do. And he did it with love.
He was the most loved of all. And he didn't need to be first.
Secret helper 🕵️
Today you're going to help someone without them knowing it was you: line up their shoes, leave them a drawing, set the table before anyone asks.
Shhh! It's a secret. Only the adult with you knows.
And before bed, look at the sky together for a little while: the stars, the moon or the clouds. Do you feel tiny?
How did you feel when nobody knew it was you?
Tricks so that you're the boss, not the little voice!
Finish and go to lesson 6 →Picture the most popular person at school cleaning the classroom when nobody's looking.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
The compass
There was a man who changed history without an army, without money and without a title. What surprised people most about him was how he treated others.
The child in the middle
His friends were arguing about who was the most important. He stood a child in the middle of them all, hugged them and told them that being great means serving others.
The last seat
At a meal, he saw the guests fight over the best seats. He told them to sit at the back: better to be asked to move up front than to be asked to move back in front of everyone.
The crown he didn't want
A crowd wanted to make him king by force. He went off alone to the hills.
The towel
At his last dinner, he got up and washed his friends' feet: the job nobody wanted. Even the one who was going to betray him.
In none of the four scenes does he lose. He's the most respected of all. But he doesn't need it.
Awe helps
In one study, people who looked up at very tall trees for a minute felt less self-important and helped more when someone dropped some pens. (Piff et al., 2015) When you look at something much bigger than you, the ego goes quiet for a while.
Which is hardest for you?
A day with the towel
Part 1 · Do something nobody wants to do, at home or at school. Without telling anyone and without posting it.
Part 2 · Ten minutes looking at something big: the sky, the rain, a tree, the sea. No phone.
Part 3 · What did you feel? Did you want to tell someone?
What did your ego tell you when nobody knew what you'd done?
Four tools for the exact moment you feel the heat in your face.
Finish and go to lesson 6 →Sources for this lesson
- Piff, P. K., Dietze, P., Feinberg, M., Stancato, D. M. & Keltner, D. (2015). Awe, the small self, and prosocial behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 108(6), 883–899. View source: Piff, P. K., Dietze, P., Feinberg, M., Stancato, D. M. & Keltner, D. (2015). Awe, the small self, and prosocial behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 108(6), 883–899.
Picture the most important person in a room.
Now picture them getting up from the table to do the job nobody wants to do.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
The compass
There was a man who changed history without an army, without money and without a title. What surprised people most about him was how he treated others.
The child in the middle
His friends were walking along, arguing about which of them was the most important. When they arrived, he asked what they'd been talking about. Nobody wanted to answer. Then he called a child over, stood the child in the middle of them all and hugged them. He told them that whoever wanted to be great had to serve others, and that welcoming someone who can give you nothing back was what's truly great.
The last seat
Once he was invited to a meal. He watched the guests fight over the best seats. He told them that when they were invited, they should sit in the last seat. If the host wanted, he'd call them to a better place. Better to be asked to move up than to be asked to move down in front of everyone.
The crown he didn't want
One day he fed a huge crowd. People were so impressed they wanted to take him by force and make him king. He went off alone to the hills.
The towel
It was his last dinner with his friends. He knew what was coming. And instead of asking to be served, he got up from the table. He tied a towel around his waist, poured water into a basin and began washing their feet, one by one: the job nobody wanted. Among them was one who would betray him that same night. He knew it, and he washed his feet anyway.
What they have in common
In none of the four scenes does he lose anything. On the contrary: he's the most respected person in the room. But he doesn't need it. His worth doesn't depend on sitting up front, wearing a crown or being served.
That's turning down the volume on the ego: it's not looking down on yourself. It's being so at peace with who you are that you can serve without feeling less.
Feeling small, in a good way
There's something that helps turn down the ego, and it's very simple: awe.
In one study, one group looked up at some very tall trees for a minute. Another group looked at a building. Then someone in front of them stumbled and dropped some pens. Those who had looked at the trees felt less self-important and picked up more pens to help. (Piff et al., 2015)
When you look at something much bigger than you, the ego goes quiet for a while.
Which is hardest for you?
Of the four scenes, which would be the hardest for you?
A day with the towel
Today, throughout the day.
Part 1 · The towel. Do a job nobody wants to do, at home or at work. Wash what nobody washes. Tidy what nobody tidies. Help someone who can't return the favor.
The rule: don't tell anyone. Not now, not later. If someone asks who did it, you can say “I don't know” or “someone”.
Part 2 · Awe. Find ten minutes to look at something bigger than you: the sky, a big tree, the sea, the mountains, the stars, a storm from the window. No phone. Just look.
Part 3 · Write how you felt in each part. Was it hard not to tell anyone what you did?
What did you feel when nobody knew what you'd done? What did your ego tell you?
Now you know what it is, where it comes from, what it costs and what the opposite looks like.
Now the practical part begins. In the next lesson you'll learn four tools for the exact moment the ego shows up: when you feel the heat in your face and already have your answer ready.
Finish and go to lesson 6 →Sources for this lesson
- Piff, P. K., Dietze, P., Feinberg, M., Stancato, D. M. & Keltner, D. (2015). Awe, the small self, and prosocial behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 108(6), 883–899. View source: Piff, P. K., Dietze, P., Feinberg, M., Stancato, D. M. & Keltner, D. (2015). Awe, the small self, and prosocial behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 108(6), 883–899.
Lesson 5 of 10.
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