Your tricks 🚦
How do I take off the glasses? · 8 min
Tools for the moment
What do I do when it shows up? · 12 min
Tools for the moment
What do I do when judgment shows up? · 15 min
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Did you know you can take off your judging glasses?
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
The traffic light
- 🛑 Red: stop. When you think “that's weird” or “that's bad”, stop. Breathe as if you were blowing up a balloon, three times.
- 🟡 Yellow: take off the glasses. Ask yourself: “What don't I know about this person?”
- 🟢 Green: ask. “What's your name?”, “What do you like?”, “Are you okay?”
The balloon. Blow up three balloons together with the circle.
One minute to look inward.
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
A girl wants to play with you.
Your friend: «No, she's bad at it.»
“Yeah, better not.”
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. 😣 The girl is left alone again.
You breathe. “We've never seen her play. Come on, play with us!”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. 🙂 The girl is really good with the ball!
Practice the traffic light
The adult says a situation (“That boy dresses weird!”, “That girl talks differently!”) and the child does the traffic light: stop, take off the glasses and ask.
Use the traffic light once.
Which color of the traffic light is hardest for you?
What do you do when the glasses already did harm?
Finish and go to lesson 7 →Someone once spoke of a person who saw a speck in another's eye and didn't see the plank in their own.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
- “What don't I know?”: the question that stops judgment.
- Three possible stories before deciding who someone is.
- Separate what they did from who they are: “he did something wrong” isn't “he's bad”.
- Ask before concluding: “Did something happen?”
- Three filters before forwarding: is it true? is it necessary? does it help anyone?
Imagining life through the other person's eyes reduces stereotypes. (Galinsky & Moskowitz, 2000)
One minute to look inward.
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
A cut-up voice note from a classmate lands in your group chat.
Someone in the group: «He's so fake, pass it on.»
You forward it.
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. The voice note reaches two other classes.
You do nothing.
If you choose this one
Stays the same. The voice note keeps spreading.
“Has anyone heard the whole voice note? I don't know that it's like that.”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. Someone replies: “You're right, I didn't hear all of it.” The group calms down.
What worked: You didn't forward it, you asked for context and you stopped a judgment without fighting anyone.
Your emergency phrases
Step 1 · Where do you judge most?
Step 2 · Choose three phrases.
Use one phrase when someone judges someone else in front of you.
What happened when you used it?
How to fix a judgment that already did harm. And something that changes everything: people can change.
Finish and go to lesson 7 →Sources for this lesson
- Galinsky, A. D. & Moskowitz, G. B. (2000). Perspective-taking: Decreasing stereotype expression, stereotype accessibility, and in-group favoritism. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(4), 708–724. View source: Galinsky, A. D. & Moskowitz, G. B. (2000). Perspective-taking: Decreasing stereotype expression, stereotype accessibility, and in-group favoritism. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(4), 708–724.
Someone once spoke of a person who saw a speck in another's eye and didn't see the plank in their own.
This lesson is about seeing both things: the other person's speck, and what we don't know about it.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
- Tool 1
“What don't I know?”
When you already have your conclusion ready, ask yourself just one question: “What don't I know about this person?”
The answer is almost always: almost everything. You don't know what happened to them today, what they carry, why they did it. That question doesn't force you to change your mind. It just reminds you that your idea is built on little information.
- Tool 2
Three possible stories
It's what you practiced in lesson 3, now in the moment. Before deciding who someone is, imagine three different reasons for what they did. They don't have to be true: just possible.
- Tool 3
Separate what they did from who they are
“He did something wrong” isn't the same as “he's bad”. The first can be talked about and repaired. The second closes the door.
This doesn't mean staying silent about what's wrong. It means talking about the fact: “What you did affected me”, not “you're selfish”.
- Tool 4
Ask before concluding
“Did something happen?” opens a conversation. “You're always late” closes it. Asking isn't naive: it's the fastest way to stop imagining and start knowing.
- Tool 5
Three filters before sharing
Before forwarding, commenting on or telling something about someone, run it through three questions:
- Do I know it's true? Or was I told?
- Is it necessary? Why am I going to say it?
- Does it help anyone? Whom?
If it doesn't pass all three, don't share it.
What the evidence says
Imagining life through another person's eyes reduced stereotypes in experiments. (Galinsky & Moskowitz, 2000) And truly getting to know different people tends to reduce prejudice: in a review of 515 studies, contact between groups reduced it consistently. (Pettigrew & Tropp, 2006)
One minute to look inward.
Choose what to answer. There's no score: it's a rehearsal.
Omar arrives twenty minutes late to the team meeting. Again. As he walks in, someone whispers to you:
Coworker: «Same as always. He thinks our time is worth nothing.»
What do you answer?
“Yeah, so irresponsible.”
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. The comment spreads. By the end of the meeting, half the team is talking about “how irresponsible Omar is”.
You say nothing, but you give him a look when he sits down.
If you choose this one
Stays the same. Omar feels the looks. Nobody knows what's going on with him, and nobody asks.
“I don't know what's going on with him. I'll ask him later.”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. Your coworker goes quiet. The comment stops there.
After the meeting, you go over to Omar.
“Hey, everyone's annoyed because you're always late.”
If you choose this one
Tension goes up. Omar gets defensive: “Everyone? Who?”
“I saw you come in in a rush. Is everything okay?”
If you choose this one
Tension goes down. Omar sighs: “My dad's in the hospital. I go every morning before work. I haven't told anyone.” Now you know. And you can look for a solution together, like moving the meeting half an hour.
What worked: You didn't repeat the judgment, you asked instead of concluding and you talked about what you saw, not who he is. Being late is still a problem to solve, but now it can be solved together.
Mara sees a message in the parents' group chat at Lía's school: “Did you see Joaquín's mom? She was late picking him up again. Poor kid.”
Her reply is already typed: “It's always the same with her.”
She stops. She thinks: “What don't I know?” She knows nothing about that mom. Not her job, not her schedule, not whether she's on her own.
She deletes the message. The next day, at the school gate, she says hello: “If you ever need me to watch Joaquín for a while, just let me know.”
Your emergency phrases
Step 1 · Your moments. Where does your judgment show up most?
Step 2 · Choose three phrases for those moments.
Step 3 · Say them out loud, three times each. “I don't know that for sure” is short and works for almost everything: it stops gossip without fighting anyone.
Step 4 · Rehearse. Think of the next group or conversation where you know judgment will show up. Which phrase will you use?
Use one of your phrases when someone starts judging someone else in front of you.
Which phrase did you use? What happened in the conversation?
Sometimes the judgment has already done harm: you said it, shared it, repeated it. Or you've carried it against yourself for years.
In the next lesson you'll learn to repair it. And you'll discover something that changes how you look at anyone: people can change.
Finish and go to lesson 7 →Sources for this lesson
- Galinsky, A. D. & Moskowitz, G. B. (2000). Perspective-taking: Decreasing stereotype expression, stereotype accessibility, and in-group favoritism. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(4), 708–724. View source: Galinsky, A. D. & Moskowitz, G. B. (2000). Perspective-taking: Decreasing stereotype expression, stereotype accessibility, and in-group favoritism. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(4), 708–724.
- Pettigrew, T. F. & Tropp, L. R. (2006). A meta-analytic test of intergroup contact theory. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 90(5), 751–783. View source: Pettigrew, T. F. & Tropp, L. R. (2006). A meta-analytic test of intergroup contact theory. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 90(5), 751–783.
Lesson 6 of 10.
You're doing well.
To take with youUse the traffic light once.
To take with youUse one phrase when someone judges someone else in front of you.
To take with youUse one of your phrases when someone starts judging someone else in front of you.
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