The mirror 🪞
Do my judging glasses go on? · 8 min
The mirror
Does this happen to me? · 10 min
The mirror
Does this happen to me? · 15 min
Each age has its own progress. People of the same age share this space and its logbook in this browser.
Have you ever thought someone was weird before you got to know them?
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
Sometimes we put on judging glasses without noticing. With those glasses, we see someone different and think: “they're weird”, “they're bad”, “I won't like them”.
But those glasses only let you see a tiny piece. They don't let you see the real person.
Different isn't weird. It's just different.
Your mirror
The adult reads each sentence out loud and the child chooses.
A new boy arrives in class. He talks with a different accent.
“He talks funny,” says one of Lía's friends.
Lía laughs. None of them knows his name yet.
Draw your glasses ✏️
Draw your judging glasses. What color are they? What do they make you see? Then draw what you see when you take them off.
Today you're a detective 🔍. When you think “that's weird”, say in your head: “Oops, my glasses went on.”
When did your glasses last go on?
The glasses have tricks. Let's find them!
Finish and go to lesson 2 →Think of someone at school you disliked before ever talking to them. What did you know about that person? Their story? What was happening at home?
Probably almost nothing. And still, you had already decided something.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
Judging is deciding who someone is from one detail: their clothes, how they talk, a ten-second voice note or what “everyone says”.
It's not the same as having an opinion:
- A fact: “He didn't say hi when he arrived.”
- A judgment: “He's stuck-up.”
You can say something is wrong without deciding who the person is.
Before the mirror
Answer thinking about what you thought, said and did this month, not how you'd like to be.
Your mirror
A new classmate arrives. He always has headphones on and doesn't talk to anyone.
“That guy's so weird,” says Dani. “He thinks he's all that.”
Teo laughs. Neither of them has said a word to him.
The map of your judgments
Step 1 · Think of three people you judged recently: classmates, teachers, people online.
Step 2 · For each one, answer. If you don't want to write, just choose.
Step 3 · Does anything repeat?
Step 4 · Finish the sentence.
Notice just one time when you decide something about someone without knowing them. Just notice.
What surprised you about your mirror or your map?
Judging disguises itself as a joke, as “I'm just saying it like it is”, as “I'd never do that”. In the next lesson you'll discover its disguises.
Finish and go to lesson 2 →Think of someone you disliked the first time you saw them.
What did you know about that person at that moment? Their name? Their story? What had happened to them that day?
Probably almost nothing. And still, you had already decided something.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
What judging is
Judging is deciding who a person is from one detail: a face, a comment, a photo, a ten-second video or what “everyone knows” about them.
We do it all the time, almost without noticing. And almost always without knowing their life.
Judging isn't giving an opinion
This route doesn't ask you to stop thinking or to say everything is fine. There's an important difference:
- Assessing a fact: “He was late three times this week.”
- Judging the person: “He's irresponsible.”
The first is something you saw. The second is a conclusion about who he is, made with very little information. You can say something is wrong without deciding who the person is.
Where it shows up
There are six moments when judging tends to show up:
- When you meet someone: the first impression.
- When you use labels: “the lazy one”, “the intense one”, “the weird one”.
- When you talk about others: the comment, the gossip.
- On social media: the video, the photo, the news about someone you don't know.
- When someone makes a mistake: the error that becomes “that's just how he is”.
- With yourself: the harshest judge often lives inside.
Before the mirror
Judging is so automatic that we almost never notice it. So in the mirror that's coming, answer thinking about what you thought, said and did this past month, not how you'd like to be.
Your mirror
Mara and Sam go out for dinner. Twenty minutes go by and nobody takes their order.
“Terrible service,” says Mara. “That waiter does nothing. I saw him looking at his phone three times.”
When he finally comes, Mara tells him, seriously: “We've been waiting twenty minutes.”
“I'm sorry,” he says. “Two of my coworkers didn't come in today and I'm alone with all the tables. The phone is because my daughter is sick and my mom is looking after her. I'll bring everything right away.”
Mara goes quiet.
What she saw was true: the waiter was slow and looked at his phone. What she decided wasn't. “That waiter does nothing” was a conclusion about who he was, made with twenty minutes of information.
The map of your judgments
Find a quiet place.
Step 1 · Remember. Think of three people you judged recently. They can be close or strangers: a coworker, a relative, a neighbor, someone on the street, someone online.
Step 2 · Write. For each one, answer:
Step 3 · Look at all three together. How much did you really know, compared with what you decided? Does anything repeat: the kind of person, the place, your mood?
Step 4 · Finish the sentence.
You'll use it in lesson 9, when you build your plan.
Notice just one time when you decide something about someone without knowing them.
You don't have to change anything. Just notice. What did you see? What did you decide? What didn't you know?
What surprised you more: what your mirror showed or what your map showed?
Judging almost never sounds like judging. It sounds like “I'm just telling the truth”, “I'd never do that” or “I'm not one to gossip, but…”.
In the next lesson you'll meet its eight disguises. And you'll find out which ones you use.
Finish and go to lesson 2 →Lesson 1 of 10.
Great start.
To take with youToday you're a detective 🔍. When you think “that's weird”, say in your head: “Oops, my glasses went on.”
To take with youNotice just one time when you decide something about someone without knowing them. Just notice.
To take with youNotice just one time when you decide something about someone without knowing them.
What you write and your progress are saved only on this device. When you finish the lesson we add 1 to the total, without knowing who you are.