Why do they go on? 🤔
Where do the glasses come from? · 8 min
Where it comes from
Why do we judge so fast? · 12 min
Where it comes from
Why do we judge so fast? · 15 min
Each age has its own progress. People of the same age share this space and its logbook in this browser.
When you're late, it's because time got away from you. When someone else is late, is it because they're lazy?
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
- We decide really fast. Seeing someone for a moment is enough for us to think we know what they're like. But a moment isn't the whole person.
- We judge others more harshly than ourselves. When you make a mistake, you know why. When someone else does, you know nothing about their day.
- Bad things stick. If someone upsets us once, it's hard to change our minds.
- But people can change, and we can change what we think.
True or not true?
Choose, and the card shows you what the evidence says.
«If someone is different, they're weird.»
Answer
Not true. Different is just different.
«If someone behaves badly once, they're bad forever.»
Answer
Not true. We all make mistakes.
«People can change.»
Answer
True. And so can you!
«I can get to know someone before deciding what they're like.»
Answer
True. You just have to ask!
Teo won't lend Lía his game. Lía thinks: “Teo is mean.”
A little later, Lía won't lend Teo her crayons. Teo asks her: “Why are you so mean?”
Lía says: “I'm not mean! I was using them.”
Lía stops to think. Maybe Teo was using his game too.
The story detective 🔍
The adult tells something someone did (“A boy didn't say hello”). The child thinks of three possible reasons: was he sad? didn't he see? was he shy?
Just for the adult: children learn to judge by listening to us. When you talk about someone at home, try saying what they did (“didn't say hello”) instead of who they are (“is rude”). And when your child judges, don't scold: ask “what do you think happened to them?”.
When you think something mean about someone, ask yourself: “What might have happened to them?”
What reasons did you find in the detective game?
The story of the new kid.
Finish and go to lesson 4 →When you don't answer a message, it's because you were busy.
When someone doesn't answer you, it's because “they don't like you”.
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
We decide in a tenth of a second
Seeing a face for an instant is enough for us to decide whether someone seems trustworthy or likable. And looking longer barely changes that impression. (Willis & Todorov, 2006)
“I had a bad day; he's just like that”
We explain others by who they are, and ourselves by what happened to us. (Gilbert & Malone, 1995)
Bad weighs more
A bad impression forms fast and is hard to erase. (Baumeister et al., 2001)
The first impression sticks
Even when you're later shown it was wrong. (Ross, Lepper & Hubbard, 1975)
Online, judgment gets likes
Messages full of outrage get shared more. (Brady et al., 2017)
The key: a first impression is a clue, not a verdict.
True or false?
Choose, and the card shows you what the evidence says.
«If I only think it, I'm not judging.»
Answer
False. From your head, it changes how you treat the person.
«First impressions are almost always right.»
Answer
False. Sometimes they are, but we don't know when.
«People don't change.»
Answer
False. People change. And believing they can helps it happen.
«If I say nothing, I approve of what they did.»
Answer
False. You can say something is wrong without deciding who they are.
Teo texts Dani and gets no answer all afternoon. He thinks: “He must be mad at me.”
That night Teo doesn't answer his mom because he was gaming. She asks him: “Are you mad?”
Teo realizes: when he doesn't answer, it's because he was busy. When someone else doesn't answer him, it's because they're mad.
The other story
Step 1 · Choose a judgment from your map.
Step 2 · Write only what you saw, no conclusions.
Step 3 · Write three possible reasons for what that person did.
Step 4 · Which of the four can you prove?
When someone does something that bothers you, think: “What would I say if I had done it?”
What did you discover by writing the three stories?
A cut-up voice note, a class group chat, a classmate who left the school.
Finish and go to lesson 4 →Sources for this lesson
- Willis, J. & Todorov, A. (2006). First impressions: Making up your mind after a 100-ms exposure to a face. Psychological Science, 17(7), 592–598. Find reference: Willis, J. & Todorov, A. (2006). First impressions: Making up your mind after a 100-ms exposure to a face. Psychological Science, 17(7), 592–598.
- Gilbert, D. T. & Malone, P. S. (1995). The correspondence bias. Psychological Bulletin, 117(1), 21–38. View source: Gilbert, D. T. & Malone, P. S. (1995). The correspondence bias. Psychological Bulletin, 117(1), 21–38.
- Baumeister, R. F., Bratslavsky, E., Finkenauer, C. & Vohs, K. D. (2001). Bad is stronger than good. Review of General Psychology, 5(4), 323–370. View source: Baumeister, R. F., Bratslavsky, E., Finkenauer, C. & Vohs, K. D. (2001). Bad is stronger than good. Review of General Psychology, 5(4), 323–370.
- Ross, L., Lepper, M. R. & Hubbard, M. (1975). Perseverance in self-perception and social perception. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 32(5), 880–892. Find reference: Ross, L., Lepper, M. R. & Hubbard, M. (1975). Perseverance in self-perception and social perception. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 32(5), 880–892.
- Brady, W. J. et al. (2017). Emotion shapes the diffusion of moralized content in social networks. PNAS, 114(28), 7313–7318. View source: Brady, W. J. et al. (2017). Emotion shapes the diffusion of moralized content in social networks. PNAS, 114(28), 7313–7318.
When you're late, it's the traffic.
When someone else is late, it's because they're irresponsible.
Sound familiar?
Thanks for sharing. You're not the only one.
We decide in a tenth of a second
In a series of experiments, people saw faces for a tenth of a second. That was enough to decide whether someone seemed trustworthy, competent or likable. And when they were allowed to look longer, the impression barely changed: only their confidence went up. (Willis & Todorov, 2006)
Judging fast isn't a flaw of yours. Everyone's mind does it. The problem is taking that impression as the truth.
“I had a bad day; he's just like that”
When someone else does something wrong, we tend to explain it by who they are. When we do it, we explain it by what happened to us. (Gilbert & Malone, 1995)
That's why the person who cut you off “is a jerk”, but when you cut someone off it's because “I didn't see them” or “I was in a hurry”.
Bad weighs more
Bad impressions form faster than good ones, and they're harder to erase. (Baumeister et al., 2001)
Someone can treat you well ten times. If the eleventh time they snap at you, that's often the one you remember.
The first impression sticks
In one study, people formed an idea of others from false information. Then they were told the information was made up. Even so, the impression stayed. (Ross, Lepper & Hubbard, 1975)
What helped correct it was understanding how that error works. That's exactly what you're doing in this lesson.
We think we see reality as it is
We each feel we see things as they are. So when someone thinks differently, the easy conclusion is that they're ignorant, don't understand or have bad intentions. (Ross & Ward, 1996)
We almost never consider the other possibility: that this person sees something we don't.
Online, judgment gets rewarded
In more than 560,000 messages about controversial topics, each extra moral and emotional word increased how much they spread. (Brady et al., 2017) Outrage gets likes. Asking calmly, not so much.
The most important thing in this lesson
Judging fast is human. What we can change is what we do next: treat the impression as a hypothesis, not a verdict.
True or false?
Choose, and the card shows you what the evidence says.
«If I only think it, I'm not judging.»
Answer
False. Judgment starts in your head, and from there it changes how you treat the person.
«First impressions are almost always right.»
Answer
False. Sometimes they are. The problem is we don't know when, and we hold on to them even when they aren't.
«If I say nothing, I approve of what they did.»
Answer
False. You can say something is wrong without deciding who the person is.
«People don't change.»
Answer
False. People change, and believing they can helps it happen.
«I don't judge, I just give my opinion.»
Answer
It depends. Having an opinion about a fact isn't judging. Deciding who someone is because of that fact is.
A car cuts Sam off on the avenue.
“Idiot!” Sam shouts.
Ten minutes later, Sam changes lanes without looking and almost hits a motorcycle. The rider honks at him.
Sam thinks: “I just didn't see him. I'm tired.”
And at that moment he realizes: ten minutes ago, the other driver “was an idiot”. He, on the other hand, “was tired”.
The other story
Step 1 · Choose. Go back to your map of judgments (lesson 1) and choose the strongest one.
Step 2 · Write what you saw. Only the fact, no conclusions.
Step 3 · Three possible stories. Write three different reasons that could explain what you saw. They don't have to be true: just possible.
Step 4 · Compare. Which of the four (your judgment and the three stories) can you prove? Yours is almost never the only possible one.
Step 5 · One step. Is there something you could ask this person to find out?
When someone does something that bothers you, before concluding, think of your own version: “What would I say if I had done it?”
What did you discover by writing the three stories?
A comment in the building group chat. A neighbor nobody said hello to. Six months of “what everyone knew”.
In the next lesson you'll see what a judgment nobody checks can cost.
Finish and go to lesson 4 →Sources for this lesson
- Willis, J. & Todorov, A. (2006). First impressions: Making up your mind after a 100-ms exposure to a face. Psychological Science, 17(7), 592–598. Find reference: Willis, J. & Todorov, A. (2006). First impressions: Making up your mind after a 100-ms exposure to a face. Psychological Science, 17(7), 592–598.
- Gilbert, D. T. & Malone, P. S. (1995). The correspondence bias. Psychological Bulletin, 117(1), 21–38. View source: Gilbert, D. T. & Malone, P. S. (1995). The correspondence bias. Psychological Bulletin, 117(1), 21–38.
- Baumeister, R. F., Bratslavsky, E., Finkenauer, C. & Vohs, K. D. (2001). Bad is stronger than good. Review of General Psychology, 5(4), 323–370. View source: Baumeister, R. F., Bratslavsky, E., Finkenauer, C. & Vohs, K. D. (2001). Bad is stronger than good. Review of General Psychology, 5(4), 323–370.
- Ross, L., Lepper, M. R. & Hubbard, M. (1975). Perseverance in self-perception and social perception: Biased attributional processes in the debriefing paradigm. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 32(5), 880–892. View source: Ross, L., Lepper, M. R. & Hubbard, M. (1975). Perseverance in self-perception and social perception: Biased attributional processes in the debriefing paradigm. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 32(5), 880–892.
- Ross, L. & Ward, A. (1996). Naive realism in everyday life: Implications for social conflict and misunderstanding. In E. S. Reed, E. Turiel & T. Brown (Eds.), Values and knowledge (pp. 103–135). Erlbaum. Find reference: Ross, L. & Ward, A. (1996). Naive realism in everyday life: Implications for social conflict and misunderstanding. In E. S. Reed, E. Turiel & T. Brown (Eds.), Values and knowledge (pp. 103–135). Erlbaum.
- Brady, W. J., Wills, J. A., Jost, J. T., Tucker, J. A. & Van Bavel, J. J. (2017). Emotion shapes the diffusion of moralized content in social networks. PNAS, 114(28), 7313–7318. View source: Brady, W. J., Wills, J. A., Jost, J. T., Tucker, J. A. & Van Bavel, J. J. (2017). Emotion shapes the diffusion of moralized content in social networks. PNAS, 114(28), 7313–7318.
Lesson 3 of 10.
Great start.
To take with youWhen you think something mean about someone, ask yourself: “What might have happened to them?”
To take with youWhen someone does something that bothers you, think: “What would I say if I had done it?”
To take with youWhen someone does something that bothers you, before concluding, think of your own version: “What would I say if I had done it?”
What you write and your progress are saved only on this device. When you finish the lesson we add 1 to the total, without knowing who you are.